“You date at the level of your self-esteem. Who are you dating? If you want a mate upgrade, upgrade yourself first!” ~ The Daily Love
I had a very different perspective of myself before I met my husband. I was consumed with building my career. I smoked and never worked out. My fridge was empty and I never cooked for myself. Which is sad because I love baking and cooking. I collect recipes and cookbooks. I dreamt about some future time when I could use them.
Ayman and Rozine get ready to cut into their wedding cake.
I thought that one day, when I was married or in an ideal relationship, then I would cook more. I thought the same thing about working out. I would tell myself that the perfect guy would one day motivate me to work out and take better care of my body. He would also convince me to quit smoking. But until I met him… I was content to continue my bad habits. That first step can be hard (says the Ego).
During this time in my life, I found that I never met guys that motivated me to cook, work out or quit smoking. Instead, I was dating guys who also didn’t cook, work out or take very good care of themselves. They, too, were probably waiting for Mrs. Right to teach them how to be better. I couldn’t even take initiative on my own life – how dare they think I was going to spend time and energy fixing their character flaws! I must have made a connection and noticed that some other person is not going to turn my life around. I have to turn my life around. People want to be around others that they look up to and admire. It’s up to me to make myself an attractive, admirable person.
I started cooking a week’s worth of food on Sunday’s. I took advantage of a gym membership offered through the company I worked for. I quit smoking. I decided to stop looking for encouragement outside of myself. My motivation became focused on my own personal growth and development. Then, like magic, I met my husband. I quickly discovered that he didn’t smoke; he was a health nut; and he loved to cook. As soon as I upgraded myself, I found Mr. Right.
You can do this, too. You can change the focus of your attention from external circumstances and focus on what you really have control over. Start going for long walks on the beach. Make yourself a romantic candlelight dinner. Go see that movie you’ve been eyeing for the past week. Sign up for that class that excites you. Ride your bike. Get out and do the things you enjoy doing. Chances are you’ll meet a bunch of other people doing the same thing.